Being Single

I hate being single. Being single absolutely sucks. I hate when people tell me to enjoy being single and to live it up. I'm 26 years old and have never been in a serious relationship and that's what I badly want and need.

What good is being lonely almost all the time? Not having anyone to talk to? Not having anyone to hold hands with? Not having anyone to love unconditionally? Not having anyone who will be there for you no matter what.

I want to be in a relationship. I want the chance that it might not work out and that I might get my heart broken. I want that. I don't want to avoid being in a relationship because it might not work out. That's not even a consideration for me. Love is so awesome that it's a risk worth taking.

I want this so bad.

How I'm Feeling Right Now

When I'm having trouble finding the right way to express myself I always turn to music. Music has a way of being able to put the feelings I'm having into words that are understandable. Well here's a feel songs expressing how I feel right now.

Bryan White - Someone Else's Star

Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are

*NSYNC - I Drive Myself Crazy

*NSYNC - I Need Love

3 Doors Down - Away From The Sun 

 

Bad Day

Man today has not been a good day. It all started with English this morning. We were supposed to do an essay defining Alabama. Despite living almost my whole life here I know pretty much nothing about Alabama. I know even little about writing a descriptive essay. It took me the whole class period just to get something on paper. But whatever.

Then after Psychology class I overheard this girl I like talking on the phone to I guess her boyfriend. It was a guy and she said I love you. But I'm still going to work on building up a good friendship with this girl. Still being with her and talking to her and listening to her still drives me crazy. Good crazy, not bad.

Then in math class my teacher decided that she wasn't going to take up last night's homework and instead decided our homework grade today would be a pop quiz. I knew my homework was correct but I'm pretty sure I plunked that quiz. Ugh.

Just an overall bad day made worse by how bummed out I am about this girl I like already having a boyfriend. I was so thrilled last night because God spoke to me so clearly and answered my prayer about another situation. Another learning experience that will make me a better person when it comes time for me to be in a committed relationship. It's the second such learning experience I have had to deal with in the last month. Now I'm back to feeling like I'm having to go through all these learning experiences about relationships that I won't never actually get the use.

I guess I should just go to bed now.

I Think I'm In Love

I am going through a very weird and at the same time awesome situation right now. For years now I have prayed for God to send me soul mate. Someone that I could be with day and night, laugh with, cry with, but most of all love. Someone that loves me unconditionally.

I have prayed that prayer for a good 3 years now. I had all but given up hope of that happening and learning to live my life on my own without a companion here on earth in the human form.

But then last Wednesday happened clear out of the blue. The more I learn about this smart, funny, beautiful, wonderful girl the more amazed I am and the more I feel like she might be the one that God has sent to be with me.

I have a connection to this girl that I didn't know about until today. This connection makes me feel even more like God's hands are all over this situation and that he's working his magic in my life and I'm about to receive a huge blessing.

Today when she saw me her face just lit up in that amazing, indescribably look. The look you see from kids on Christmas morning. The look that men get when see their brides on their weeding day. That just wow look. But the feeling I got when I saw her face. My heart started doing flips.

All I want to do is spend time with her and talk to her and listen to her talk. I feel like we're the only two people on the planet when I'm with her. I can't breathe. I can't think. But I don't have to think because everything just comes naturally.

I have never felt this way before so if this is what being in love feels like, I absolutely cannot get enough of this feeling. The saddest part of my day was having to say goodbye to her.

Decoding God's Message

We all like to know when God is specifically speaking to us but how do you know when it's God speaking and not the lies or Satan or your own personal human feelings? One way to know is if you hear the same message over and over again from different people in your life. When God really wants to get a message to you he will make sure to repeat it over and over again so you're more likely to hear it.

I had something happen to me yesterday and I can't get it out of my head. There's this girl in my psychology class that I had seen but had never talked to before. But clear out of the blue yesterday she came up to me and asked if she could sit beside me, of course I said yes.

I calmly introduced myself and asked her name and explained that I had seen her in class and knew her face but not her name. We struck up a friendly conversation and I came to realize that I was having such an incredible time talking to her. It turns out that we have many things in common.

We enjoyed talking so much that we exchanged numbers and we texted each other to say how much we enjoyed our time together. This morning I sent her a text telling her good morning and to have a wonderful day and she returned the message.

Well now I sit here wondering if maybe this could be the start of a wonderful relationship with this girl or if it's just a friend thing? I honestly don't know. But it just seems so weird how it happened and how much we both enjoyed talking and spending time with each other even though it was just one day.

I can't wait to see her again on Monday and talk to her some more. I'm really praying that God sends me some message that maybe this girl is indeed my destiny. That every twist and turn in my road has been in an effort to lead me to meeting this girl. The best thing about her is that she is a follower of God. That gives me even more hope that she might be the one for me that I've waited my whole life to meet.

Wild Week

What a long and interesting week it's been. VBS was this week at church, and just like last year, it was more fun than I could handle. I helped out with the 2nd graders, after helping with the kindergartens and 1st graders last year. Last year I was in the lime light as I led the way for the story time. This year I was just a helper who tried my best to not take over the class from the assigned teacher.

What was cool about having a chance to be the helper in the 2nd grade class was that the teacher is the wife of a guy who I had as a teacher when I was in high school, my 9th grade science class, if I remember correctly. All those grades and years just run together in my memory. I hadn't known her any but I got to know a lot about her this week which was awesome.

Our theme this year was the Rodeo and on Wednesday they had a horse for kids to get their picture taken with. I had never been on a real horse before so I wanted to experience that and I did. After I struggled to finally get on the horse, I fell when I had to get off and hurt my right leg. I went to the hospital to have it checked out and they said it was just a strain. I've got some bruises on my right arm as well. Needless to say, I won't be getting on a horse anymore. I had my experience and I can now cross that off my bucket list.

I missed Thursday recovering from my strained leg but I was back at it Friday even though I was still struggling with my leg. I was sore and beat up but was able to move around enough to help out. It was another day that seemed to be over as quickly as it started. It was a bittersweet day. I was disappointed it had to come to an end because I just get so attached to the kids. It's something I'm really going to have to work at. I wish I could spend the whole time with those kids because they're so much fun to be around.

On Tuesday I also checked a couple other things off my list in preparing to start at Wallace State in August. I went and took the COMPASS placement test. I have to start out with Math 098 which is 1 level below where I need to be to take Math 101. I am told that most folks that go back to school after being out for a while like myself have to start out with Math 098. I aced the Reading and English parts and start out with English 101 as a result. Orientation is August 15th and my first real class is August 19th. It's exciting and stressful at the same time. Overall it was an awesome week.

Fearfully And Wonderfully Made

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

~~~Psalm 139:14

I absolutely love that verse. I love it because it says how special each one of us are to God. How God took the time to make each one of us absolutely special. How each one of us have something about us that is unique to us and no one else.

There are things about me that nobody else can claim and that excites me. It makes me feel like I am the only person in the world at times. When I'm feeling down and lonely all I have to do is remember how special I am to God. How I am the only me there is and will ever be. I just blows my mind that God took the time to do that when he created me.

God created you in the same way. God knew each moment of your life before you ever took a single breath. He knew the highs and lows you would go through in this life. He knew your flaws. He knew your every achievement. The best thing is that he loves us just the way we are because he created us to be who we are.

Now that doesn't mean there aren't some things about us that we don't need to change, be it our attitude, outlook on life, habits, ect. But it does mean that God loves us and that if we want to change those things God will allow us to change those things to become the person he created us to be because we were created fearfully and wonderfully made.

This wonderful worship song really sums it up.

Love Song by New Life Worship

Top 5 Favorite Worship Songs

I want to share with you some of my favorite worship songs but since I could go on forever I've decided I better just post 5. Trying to cut this list down to 5 was very, very hard but here goes.

Place of Freedom by Highlands Worship

10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) by Matt Redman

Saviour King by Hillsong Live

Commission My Soul by Citipointe Live

One Thirst by Bethel Live

Chasing After My Dreams

Today was a very special day for me. I got to go back to Cultivate Church and visit some old friends that I hadn't seen in a few months. I also finally got to meet someone person who I had only had the joy of talking to online.

I few months ago I realized that God's calling in my life was to become an slementary school teacher. I knew I had always wanted to do something that invoked kids but I didn't know exactly what that was. Finally I heard God's voice telling me that I was to be a school teacher.

I was very scared, but knew that this would be a big faith building season in my life. So I put my full trust in God and set the wheels in motion to start the schooling I needed to reach this dream of becoming an elementary school teacher.

I start school on August 15th and while I'm still very unsure of what I'm doing I fully believe that this is God's plan for this season of my life to make this dream come true. And even if I fall flat on my face at least I know that I gave it my best effort and that God has something else in store for me.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

~~~Jeremiah 29:11

You Came To My Rescue

Just when I'm feeling as low as scum and as far away from God as I possibly can, he somehow pulls at my heart strings and breaks down the wall that I'm building between him and me. I don't know how he does it. It's truly remarkable the power that God has to get to you when you feel all alone and like nobody cares. But he does. He cares.

I don't know why when I start feeling overwhelmed by life, I pull away from God instead of running to him. I draw into myself and put as many walls as I can between myself and God. And then in once instance he blasts them to bits and my heart of stone melts in his hands. That's how I know I'm truly loved. Even if nobody here on this earth loves me God does. He always comes to my rescue when I need him the most. Thank you LORD. Thank you my God. Thank you for loving me when others don't.

I Miss My Brother

There are some songs that when you hear them they take to back to a certain place, time or person. Well I hear this song tonight and every time I hear this song I think about my cousin David. The song is 'If I Could Be Like That' by 3 Doors Down.

David was 2 years older than me. He was like the older brother I never had. We were very close. He was killed in a car wreak in 2002 when he was only 17. It's really hard to believe that it's been that long ago. I miss you David! I can't wait to see you again someday in Heaven!

The Girl I Love

There's a girl that I met just a few months ago but I feel like I had known her my whole life. I instantly fell in love with her. She's so wonderful. She's truly a beautiful person inside and out. But the most important thing about her is that she loves God and it really shows.

I think about her constantly. I dream about her. I love talking to her and being able to spend time with her when I can. I really believe that she is the one for me. I wish I could tell her that but I can't because she's already in a pretty serious relationship that is just ripping my heart out.

The dream I had about her last night was amazing. Her boyfriend (which I have never met in real life) did something to her that made her cry and I saw it and it really upset me to see her crying.

I went up to that jerk and told him what a big moron he was and then he punched me in the face, knocking me down.

I knew it was a dream because in real life I would have been down for the count and then after I collected myself I would have started swinging. But in my dream I didn't. I didn't feel a thing when he punched me.

I just picked myself up and told him that he needed to change his attitude or he was going to spend his life alone. Then I went over to the girl and told her how I felt about her and her tears of pain became tears of joy and she hugged me so hard I thought I was going to break. But it was the greatest feeling in the world.

It just kills me that it was only a dream and not real life. The only thing I can do is to continue to live my daily life for God doing the things I need to do and hoping that one day soon I will get the chance to tell this girl how I feel about her. Until then I'll continue holding true to this picture.

*The girl's name was withheld to protect her privacy.