To My Future Wife

One of the many desires I have in my heart is to have a wife and children. In fact I even had a dream just a couple of nights ago about being the father to a young boy about 4 or 5 years old named Daniel. It was just a dream but it is one of the best dreams I have ever had because I was so filled with joy beyond belief. Now I don't know if that dream means anything or not but it just reinforces the desires I have to have my own family.

I have tried to do it on my own in my own way and that simply doesn't work. I knew deep down I was doing things the wrong way but still kept doing it because I was satisfied in just having a girlfriend and made her the number one priority of my life. But things don't work that way.

God needs to be the number one priority of my life. If God is the center of my desires everything else will be blessed upon me. Its actually a blessing that I got to experience the failed relationship I just had without God in it. It allowed me to learn so much about myself. It made me realize that I am completely nothing without God. I have given my life to God and turned to him to guide me. He is now my number one.

I am writing this to my future wife, the one I know God has in store for me. I know you are out there somewhere and I am working to make myself the man that God needs me to be in order to be the kind of husband and father that God has called me to be.

I don't know where you are in this world right now but I know that you are out there somewhere. I know God is preparing you to be the kind of wife I need in my life. I truly want to be able to love you like Christ loves us. I want to be able to love our future children like God wants us too.

I am praying for you! I am praying for you and know that you're also praying for me as well.

"This is my command--be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

~~~Joshua 1:9

I'm praying for you to have courage, peace, protection, prosperity and a purpose. I am also praying that over our future children. I know that you're praying for the same things because you're a Godly woman.

I do dream of what you will look like, what your voice sounds like, what your passions are. I wish I had you right now but I know that God's timing is perfect. If you're reading this, until the day that I get to meet you, I leave you with this song that I just absolutely love to the point of wishing I could sing it to you right now.

God bless you right now! God bless you forever!

My New Friend

On Sunday I met a new girl on the dating site Christian Mingle and we have become fast friends. In order to tell about her and to protect her privacy we'll call my new friend Misty.

Misty told me on Tuesday about a disorder that she has been battling since she was about 13. She has the eating disorder bulimia. Now I know absolutely nothing about the disease but she has a blog and on one of her posts she explains what bulimia is:

Bulimia Nervosa.
      :a serious eating disorder that occurs chiefly in females, is characterized by compulsive overeating usually followed by self-induced vomiting or laxative or diuretic abuse, and is often accompanied by

                   guilt and depression

This is the Webster’s definition of bulimia. For  someone who has never had this struggle, that is a good base definition.

Here's the link to her blog if you're interested in learning more about her struggle.

Reading that blog and talking to her and having her explain to me the battle she is up against just rips my heart out. No one should have to go through that kind of pain.

I want to have a serious relationship with her but that is simply not possible right now because she has too much going on right now. It is very understandable that she is in no position mentally to handle a serious relationship while she wages war on this disorder she has named Ed. I respect her wishes and boundaries and will be a friend to her. She needs a real friend to offer her support and encouragement right now and I am going to do everything I can to be that friend.

All I ask from you right now is to pray for her. Pray that she is able to get the help she needs to defeat Ed. That's the important thing right now.

Bad Day

Man today has not been a good day. It all started with English this morning. We were supposed to do an essay defining Alabama. Despite living almost my whole life here I know pretty much nothing about Alabama. I know even little about writing a descriptive essay. It took me the whole class period just to get something on paper. But whatever.

Then after Psychology class I overheard this girl I like talking on the phone to I guess her boyfriend. It was a guy and she said I love you. But I'm still going to work on building up a good friendship with this girl. Still being with her and talking to her and listening to her still drives me crazy. Good crazy, not bad.

Then in math class my teacher decided that she wasn't going to take up last night's homework and instead decided our homework grade today would be a pop quiz. I knew my homework was correct but I'm pretty sure I plunked that quiz. Ugh.

Just an overall bad day made worse by how bummed out I am about this girl I like already having a boyfriend. I was so thrilled last night because God spoke to me so clearly and answered my prayer about another situation. Another learning experience that will make me a better person when it comes time for me to be in a committed relationship. It's the second such learning experience I have had to deal with in the last month. Now I'm back to feeling like I'm having to go through all these learning experiences about relationships that I won't never actually get the use.

I guess I should just go to bed now.

Forgiveness

No one likes to be lonely. That's a fact. God built us so that we would never feel complete all by ourselves. God didn't built us for the sole purpose of finding our soul mate on this earth. Our true soul mate is the Lord himself. He wants us to long and need him. He wants us to cry for him. He wants us to realize that all that even though all material things will one day pass away our relationship with our Lord and Savior will never perish.

It is in this time of great need All Mighty One that I come to you in prayer. That you destroy the doors on my steel trap of a heart and melt me again. That I will feel your presence in this place. That you will lift me up from the fiery pits of hell. Take me and save me oh Lord.

It is in this time that I ask all of my dear friends on this earth to please pray for me and all the sins I have committed and will continue to commit. I am not perfect and never will be perfect nor clean and deserving of the great friendship I have with you. But now is a time I am praying and begging for you all to help me ask the Lord to forgive me and take me back into his kingdom.

Dear Lord, please wash the stains of my sins off this soul you have given me. Make me your child again Father. I don't deserve your gracefulness Lord. You sent your one and only beloved Son to die for me Lord and I am forever grateful. This isn't just for looks. This is for real. I know I say that every time and I am led away from you by my sins. I wish that never happened. I wish I knew I could promise you that it would never ever happen again but I can't. I can only hope that you forgive me each time it does happen. So Lord in closing this prayer please take me and make me whole. I pray this in honor of your Son's Holy name, AMEN!