Coming To Terms

I have spent the last couple of months wondering about in a desert looking for answers to my God problem in all the wrong places. I have been to different churches looking for something without knowing what I was looking for.

But something strange happened to me at school today. I was in the Christian room hanging out when they started a Bible study and naturally I sat in on it. The guy leading the Bible study asked us what we thought church was and what we think others think about church. My answer to question one was group of believers with my answer to the second question was hypocritical. I've experienced both sides so these answers came to me rather easily.

According to Jesus the church is a group of believers, not a building or place of worship. He tells us that in Colossians when he states that he is the head of the body, the church. We sometimes mistake the Senior Pastor as the leader of the church but he is just the person granted power to speak to people on God's behalf. Anything and everything he says should be straight from the Bible and nothing more or nothing less. Speaking of which, I want to give a shout out of congratulations to John Richter, the new Senior Pastor at St. John's.

I have had the problem of feeling so lonely at times and looking for it in the church, the body. I have been looking for a church where I am such a part of everything that is going on that if I am not there then they will miss me. They will take time out of their day to send me a text to see if I am alright. But I am finally coming to terms that will never happen no matter what church I go to. I am simply not that important to the church body and it is alright. I do not need people who care enough about me to text me when I miss a Sunday of church because if I am right in my relationship with God then my priorities will be in the right place.

From now on when I start feeling the loneliness come on I need to just remember that I do not need the approval and acceptance of people if I have the approval and acceptance of God. There are enough people at St. John's that do know me and a couple who really do care about me and things will be alright. St. John's, here I come, back where I belong.

I Just Don't Understand This

I just don't understand what I keep doing wrong. I'm great at making friends but terrible at keeping them. Seems like I'm always doing something that causes people to just up and abandon me. Trying to get someone to respond to a text or Facebook message is nearly impossible at times. I realize people are living their lives but it only takes five seconds to respond to a text with hey.

Also I seem to do a good job of getting people to block me on Facebook. There are many times where I think I would be much happier if I didn't have a Facebook page and didn't know what everyone was doing. I know for sure that no one would miss me. With the way people treat and abuse my kindness that is a given. Guess I'll end this post now.

My New Friend

On Sunday I met a new girl on the dating site Christian Mingle and we have become fast friends. In order to tell about her and to protect her privacy we'll call my new friend Misty.

Misty told me on Tuesday about a disorder that she has been battling since she was about 13. She has the eating disorder bulimia. Now I know absolutely nothing about the disease but she has a blog and on one of her posts she explains what bulimia is:

Bulimia Nervosa.
      :a serious eating disorder that occurs chiefly in females, is characterized by compulsive overeating usually followed by self-induced vomiting or laxative or diuretic abuse, and is often accompanied by

                   guilt and depression

This is the Webster’s definition of bulimia. For  someone who has never had this struggle, that is a good base definition.

Here's the link to her blog if you're interested in learning more about her struggle.

Reading that blog and talking to her and having her explain to me the battle she is up against just rips my heart out. No one should have to go through that kind of pain.

I want to have a serious relationship with her but that is simply not possible right now because she has too much going on right now. It is very understandable that she is in no position mentally to handle a serious relationship while she wages war on this disorder she has named Ed. I respect her wishes and boundaries and will be a friend to her. She needs a real friend to offer her support and encouragement right now and I am going to do everything I can to be that friend.

All I ask from you right now is to pray for her. Pray that she is able to get the help she needs to defeat Ed. That's the important thing right now.