Being Single

I hate being single. Being single absolutely sucks. I hate when people tell me to enjoy being single and to live it up. I'm 26 years old and have never been in a serious relationship and that's what I badly want and need.

What good is being lonely almost all the time? Not having anyone to talk to? Not having anyone to hold hands with? Not having anyone to love unconditionally? Not having anyone who will be there for you no matter what.

I want to be in a relationship. I want the chance that it might not work out and that I might get my heart broken. I want that. I don't want to avoid being in a relationship because it might not work out. That's not even a consideration for me. Love is so awesome that it's a risk worth taking.

I want this so bad.

How I'm Feeling Right Now

When I'm having trouble finding the right way to express myself I always turn to music. Music has a way of being able to put the feelings I'm having into words that are understandable. Well here's a feel songs expressing how I feel right now.

Bryan White - Someone Else's Star

Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are

*NSYNC - I Drive Myself Crazy

*NSYNC - I Need Love

3 Doors Down - Away From The Sun 

 

Bad Day

Man today has not been a good day. It all started with English this morning. We were supposed to do an essay defining Alabama. Despite living almost my whole life here I know pretty much nothing about Alabama. I know even little about writing a descriptive essay. It took me the whole class period just to get something on paper. But whatever.

Then after Psychology class I overheard this girl I like talking on the phone to I guess her boyfriend. It was a guy and she said I love you. But I'm still going to work on building up a good friendship with this girl. Still being with her and talking to her and listening to her still drives me crazy. Good crazy, not bad.

Then in math class my teacher decided that she wasn't going to take up last night's homework and instead decided our homework grade today would be a pop quiz. I knew my homework was correct but I'm pretty sure I plunked that quiz. Ugh.

Just an overall bad day made worse by how bummed out I am about this girl I like already having a boyfriend. I was so thrilled last night because God spoke to me so clearly and answered my prayer about another situation. Another learning experience that will make me a better person when it comes time for me to be in a committed relationship. It's the second such learning experience I have had to deal with in the last month. Now I'm back to feeling like I'm having to go through all these learning experiences about relationships that I won't never actually get the use.

I guess I should just go to bed now.

I Think I'm In Love

I am going through a very weird and at the same time awesome situation right now. For years now I have prayed for God to send me soul mate. Someone that I could be with day and night, laugh with, cry with, but most of all love. Someone that loves me unconditionally.

I have prayed that prayer for a good 3 years now. I had all but given up hope of that happening and learning to live my life on my own without a companion here on earth in the human form.

But then last Wednesday happened clear out of the blue. The more I learn about this smart, funny, beautiful, wonderful girl the more amazed I am and the more I feel like she might be the one that God has sent to be with me.

I have a connection to this girl that I didn't know about until today. This connection makes me feel even more like God's hands are all over this situation and that he's working his magic in my life and I'm about to receive a huge blessing.

Today when she saw me her face just lit up in that amazing, indescribably look. The look you see from kids on Christmas morning. The look that men get when see their brides on their weeding day. That just wow look. But the feeling I got when I saw her face. My heart started doing flips.

All I want to do is spend time with her and talk to her and listen to her talk. I feel like we're the only two people on the planet when I'm with her. I can't breathe. I can't think. But I don't have to think because everything just comes naturally.

I have never felt this way before so if this is what being in love feels like, I absolutely cannot get enough of this feeling. The saddest part of my day was having to say goodbye to her.

Decoding God's Message

We all like to know when God is specifically speaking to us but how do you know when it's God speaking and not the lies or Satan or your own personal human feelings? One way to know is if you hear the same message over and over again from different people in your life. When God really wants to get a message to you he will make sure to repeat it over and over again so you're more likely to hear it.

I had something happen to me yesterday and I can't get it out of my head. There's this girl in my psychology class that I had seen but had never talked to before. But clear out of the blue yesterday she came up to me and asked if she could sit beside me, of course I said yes.

I calmly introduced myself and asked her name and explained that I had seen her in class and knew her face but not her name. We struck up a friendly conversation and I came to realize that I was having such an incredible time talking to her. It turns out that we have many things in common.

We enjoyed talking so much that we exchanged numbers and we texted each other to say how much we enjoyed our time together. This morning I sent her a text telling her good morning and to have a wonderful day and she returned the message.

Well now I sit here wondering if maybe this could be the start of a wonderful relationship with this girl or if it's just a friend thing? I honestly don't know. But it just seems so weird how it happened and how much we both enjoyed talking and spending time with each other even though it was just one day.

I can't wait to see her again on Monday and talk to her some more. I'm really praying that God sends me some message that maybe this girl is indeed my destiny. That every twist and turn in my road has been in an effort to lead me to meeting this girl. The best thing about her is that she is a follower of God. That gives me even more hope that she might be the one for me that I've waited my whole life to meet.