Dealing with Death (3 months later)

I have learned that dealing with death really, really sucks. It's hard. It's just something us as humans have no mindset to understand. We can try all we want to, to understand but only God understands the pain we go through when dealing with death. Still that doesn't make it any easier. We just have to know that God wouldn't give us more than we could handle.

I never thought I would make it this long. But here I am. Some days are better than others. But along the way I have found a happiness and peace in God that I wish I had found a whole long time ago. Maybe it was God's plan to have me not find it until now. I may look back on this time years from now and say that this might have been the best thing to happen to me. I know it's ridiculous to think that something good would come out of losing someone you love. But God does everything for good. I just have to keep that positive attitude.

I don't think you ever really get over it. You just know that live goes on and the world keeps spinning. All I can say is it's getting better all the time. But I would give anything to have one more day.

God is powerful

Well I just want to start off by saying that last blog was just me having a down time.I get that way quite often and it helps to talk to someone. Well that someone I had been used to talking too is away at boot camp right now for 10 weeks.

We are what you I guess you would call Bible buddies. We pick each other up and keep each other going. I have never met him in person, just online. Its amazing you can meet someone like that online and feel as if you have known that person your entire life. That is what it feels like for me. His name is Owen and he lives in Loxley, Alabama. Hopefully one day I will meet him in person. Its amazing that God can allow that to happen. God is great in that way.

I know that God lives inside of me. The way I know is that clear out the blue when I get down he appears to me in music. The best music in the world. Music that praises his name. Some of that music is on my profile. God talks to people in all different ways. That is the way that God talks to me and it took me a long time to understand and learn that. I am so grateful for that.

Also posting blogs is kinda a way of talking to God. That is why I post. I want to share God with everyone and show them the light that he has shown me. His salvation is great.

Going back to my little saying. If one does not have God than what does one have? Its a simple little saying that keeps me going. How does a lost soul answer that question?

God is so amazingly great. Loving and caring. His mercy is so great. Thank you God. Thank you for everything you have given me. Thank you for all the amazing people that you surround me with. We all need each other. Together we stand but divided we fall. We must stand together and let your light shine. Thank you God.

Confused

Will someone please explain to me why God allows pain and suffering when he is has the power to not cause pain and suffering. God can be your friend when things are going good but when times turn bad God goes away from you can doesn't want nothing to do with you. Why does he do this? It makes no sense. You would think he would be there with you when you need him the most. I am questioning why God does some of the things he does. It is okay because I am telling God my truth feelings and in the end this should pull me closer to him. I still believe in him but I have doubts about the way he runs things. He has never done anything great with my life and I have been so happy the last 2 weeks but tonight had a complete meltdown because I am going throught some really tough times and it isn't getting any better. I thought it was but it just hasn't gotten any better. It all started when my Granny died sudden of cancer on New Year's Eve. She was the person I was the most closest too in my life. I thought over this past couple of weeks I had gotten over losing her only to have this huge meltdown tonight when I got in a fight with my brother. Well things still suck for me right now. I am too tired to go to sleep as I have been running on only about 4 hours of sleep because of the time chance and well it's all crazy. I need to go to sleep and sleep it off but I just don't want to because I feel like it will do any good. Well I guess I am doing rambing. I hate when I ramble. I hate alot of things about life right now. It's all stuff that shouldn't me shit in life but does because after all we are just human but I am a very lonely person right now. Well I guess I will end this before I say something I proabably shouldn't. God please help me.

Edit: Well God tests our faith by putting himself away from us in the times we need him the most. It really, really hurts. I have never lost faith in him but I do question him. It is all about testing us. God is great, God is good, let us raise his name in praise, Amen.

God

We aren't suppose to judge people. God is the only one that is suppose to judge. One of the reasons I dislike judges. But on the flip side we all judge in one way or another weather we mean to or not. It is just human nature.

Does anyone know why we live? What the purpose of life is? The purpose of life is to bring glory to God. That is the only reason he put us here. He didn't put us here for our joy and glory but to bring him glory and praise.

Now that being said people tend to think that the only time you can bring glory to God is at church which is untrue. In fact you can bring glory to God in everything you do if you do it with him in mind. Like right now. I am bringing glory to God by sharing what I have learned with you. God doesn't want to be kept a secret and kept in only church.

The great thing about my high school was that my principals were God loving people so even though most school did away with pray we didn't. We had a pray or moment of silent everyday.

But back to talking about the glory of God. I used to feel embrassed about showing my love to God. Hell even in church I used to not like to sing out and pray out loud in praising him. Well tonight I let myself go and for the first time since God took over my life I actually was praising him whole heartly. You know it feels good. It really does. To feel the love around you of God.

I mean it doesn't get any better than that. Hopefully I continue to grow in God's word and allow him to shine his love all throughout me to where I am bursting with the love and joy of God. This ain't my live anymore. I cannot live for myself. I must live for God and only through him will you have true joy on earth.

God Praising

God is just amazing. I mean he has a way when you haven't praised him in a while and haven't thought of him in a while of just hitting you in the strangest places and times. I mean he is so wonderful and beautiful and great and loving and everything.

He is so much more than we can understand. We just have to thank him for every day on this Earth no matter how good nor how bad. Even when everything seems lost God is there. I mean he will never forsake you. If God is in your heart and living in you than living on this Earth should be only to praise him. Cause that is the reason he put us here. He put us here for that purpose. I can say he just hit me and he hits like a mack truck.

I have no control over what I am doing right now. This is God talking and well I just don't know what to say. I wish I could talk and say something useful but I am just in utter amazement at his mercy, grace and love.

Why can't more people see the love that God has for us? It upsets me.I tired to post something for God on a message board and was blasted big time. People don't respect the one and only true God. People need to see the light. Wake up. See the light.

If anyone can talk about what it feels like to feel lost it's me. I lost a piece of me when my Granny died on New Year's Eve but if can't get away from God no matter how much I try. It's because God is inside me and wants me because he loves me that much that I myself would turn on someone if they had done to me the things I have done to God. But he doesn't hold them against me. He forgives me. He is the ultimate forgiver and lover.

I mean what more can I say. I could go on forever talking about God and I hope all of yall could too. I mean if God is truely living inside of you and he is in your heart you should be able to talk about God forever. Praise God. Show him how much you thank him. THANK YOU GOD!!!!

Well I hope this hits home with someone cause I want everyone to love God and to get into Heaven. I hope my Granny's in Heaven. I one day want to see all of you, those who are friends and those who aren't, in Heaven.

Asking God to come into your heart and take over your life is the only way to get to Heaven.

Dealing with Death

Hey guys. Man I am just having a bad night so I got on here to ramble. It has been a week since the passing of my granny and words can't desrible the emptyness I feel. Most people are able to deal with death because they have a GF/BF or wife/husband to fill the empty feeling but I don't. My granny never got to see me make a life of my own.Those 6 months living in South Carolina just about killed me and let me know just how much I was taking for granted and well that is why I hurt so bad. I come back home and those couple of days I had with her were some of the happiest days of my life and than just like that it is all ripped away from me.I mean starting with last Wednesday which was the day she had a viewing everything seemed okay and it seemed as if I was gonna be able to deal with this but last night lying in bed after watching what I had watched it hit me some more. I had brought the Gators basketball SI for my mom and my granny said she was gonna buy the one for football if the Gators won. Well they did but my granny wasn't here to see it and isn't here to buy it. Tonight I here George Strait's Carrying Your Love With Me and I absolutely lost it. That was the song that always makes me think of her.I need some input guys. Do you guys think I'm dealing with this?

Knowing Someone You Love Is Dying

Hey guys please just listen to me. I need someone to talk to. Well here goes. I don't know why life works the way it does but it just does. Nobody understands it but God and that just doesn't help the pain any. Well what I'm trying to say is we just found out my grandma, or granny as the whole family calls her, has stage 4 stomach cancer. Meaning that it is too far gone to be saved. I mean she could just die any day now or could live for who knows how long. But she's in really bad shape right now cause she can't eat anything so they are gonna have to put a feeding tube in her. The doctor said that a man had the same problem and they brought him 14 more months to live. I sure would like to know that I had 14 more months with my granny. I don't understand why this has to happen to my granny. She is the glue that holds the whole family together. Without her the whole family is a mess and don't know what to do. I really don't know what is gonna happen. Well just keep her in your prays and we'll just have to see what happens. Thanks for listening.
Big T