Alone Forever

I'm no good for anyone or anything. There is nothing good in me or about me. The whole world would be better off if I weren't around. That's the honest truth. I don't know why I even care and attempt to make friends. I have a past and nobody will ever give me a fair chance. I try to be honest and own up to my mistakes and hope people will be able to see past that and give me a chance but it never happens. Once people find out about my past that's it. It's the end of the deal. I would kill to have one of those personalities where I could just not give a damn and be fine with having no life and no friends. But I'm not wired that way. God made me into a person that cares about everyone and wants everyone to like me. I crave love and acceptance and I don't get that from anyone. Everyone always leaves and abandons me because that's me. God gave me the worst possible personality for someone with the past I have. I don't get second chances and now I don't even get first chances. I'm sorry, I'm so deeply sorry that I'm such a piece of shit person and I'm impossible to love. I'm going to die old and alone with no one or anything all because of my past. Peace out.

I Won't Give Up

This is kind of building on my previous post, but I won't give up. I won't give up on you. I won't give up on me. I won't give up on us. That is what God says to us. No matter what happens to us God is always right there with us.

Don't love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said,

"I will never fail you. I will never abandon you."

~~~Hebrews 13:5 (NLT)

We endure trials all the time in our Christian walk. But we also endure trials when it comes to our home life of our spouse, kids, job, finances, ect.

One of the hardest things I deal with is seeing a friendship or different kind of relationship with a person end. I am such a fighter when it comes to trying to keep friendships or relationships because I am so loyal. It's a part of my personality. I don't want to let friendships or other relationships die because I am so resistant to change.

But I am slowly learning that maybe some some friendships or relationships ending is all a part of God's master plan. That while certain friendships are great in that they have helped me grow, that season has passed and it's time to let go. I believe that God gives us these friendships and relationships with people to help us grow closer to him and that when it's time for us to move it means having to say goodbye to those friendships or relationships because we're no longer growing closer to God. You're either growing closer to God are backsliding away from him. You're never just staying in one place in your relationship with God.

The song 'I Won't Give Up' by Jason Mraz describes how we should fight for our relationships with our spouses. That no matter what happens that we should always keep the faith. The same applies to our relationship with God. That no matter what happens in our relationship with him we should always stay strong in our faith and not be discouraged.

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your 

way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that 

when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 

So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, 

you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

~~~James 1:2-4 (NLT)

So brothers and sisters in Christ, remember that your trials are a chance to grow your faith in God. Don't be discouraged over them and don't turn away from God during the hard times that will come upon you, but lean on his understanding and boost in his comfort.

I Just Don't Understand This

I just don't understand what I keep doing wrong. I'm great at making friends but terrible at keeping them. Seems like I'm always doing something that causes people to just up and abandon me. Trying to get someone to respond to a text or Facebook message is nearly impossible at times. I realize people are living their lives but it only takes five seconds to respond to a text with hey.

Also I seem to do a good job of getting people to block me on Facebook. There are many times where I think I would be much happier if I didn't have a Facebook page and didn't know what everyone was doing. I know for sure that no one would miss me. With the way people treat and abuse my kindness that is a given. Guess I'll end this post now.

This Is Home

Many times we get caught up in our everyday lives and forget the most important part of them. God. Our Lord and Savior. We forget that we aren't put on this earth for the pleasure that most of us enjoy. We are put on this earth to worship the Lord. Not just any Lord but our Lord. The all mighty powerful one.

I'm not trying to single anyone out because I am more guilty of this than anyone else. It's not until I reach the breaking point and think I can't handle all the loneliness that God grabs me back the neck and gives me a good wake up call. Then it all comes rushing back to me. The reasons I asked him into my heart. The reasons he put me in the situations that he put me in. The reasons that certain people were brought into my life. To touch me. To show me. To teach me the way. I take everyone who has ever helped me for granted. I won't try to list them all because if I did I would surely leave someone out and I don't want to leave anyone out. I can say that everyone that I know and consider a dear friend has helped me out a ton. You all know who you are. Even if you don't think you have touched me you have in some way. Many days when all I needed was a hug or just a hello you all were there for me. Many of you touched me on a much deeper level that you will never understand. Even those that have already left us and I didn't realize it until it was too late. I wanna say thank you. I wish I could say that to those others before they left us. I'm sure they are up there understanding and listening to me and are watching me right now.

Whenever you get down in the dumps and feel like you can't take it anymore just remember that our Lord will never leave nor forsake us. He is always there by our sides in the toughest of times. I read that two things can happen in your trials. You can either grow closer to the Lord or push away from the Lord. I think I have finally learned to grow closer to the Lord during the tough times instead of pushing away. The Lord does not say good comes out of all things. He says all things working together for good for those who are his child. Just remember that even if something happens and you can't find the good in it then chances are there probably isn't any good in that particular thing but it's a part of his plan which is for good. That is when we have a decision to make, draw closer to God or push away from him? Please choose to draw closer to God.

I guess that's all for now. Thanks for reading this.
Big T

Everything That Matters To Me

Everything that matters to me is everything I have around me. My GOD, family and friends. Without everything that matters to me I would be lost. As long as you have faith than nothing, no matter how bad your day seems or no matter how bad you think your life is when you hold everything that matters close to you, you will always rise above it to shine brighter than the brightest star. Just want to say I love my GOD and family and friends. Thank you so much for all of your support throughout all the years and as we have all gone in our separate ways in life we will always be friends forever and always.

Thank you, Big T